art, i am afraid of you.
afraid, for you are no mere act of creation but a form of judgment. and i do not like being judged. you impose a sphinx’s worth of weight to a process already burdened with complicated matters of self-expression and the communication of intimate emotions to a world less-than-prepared to receive them. afraid because you are essential to my life, able to plunge me into the abysses seldom spelunked of the reasons why i do what i do, see the world thus and finally, perhaps, have the courage to be who i am. passionate at first, profitable sometimes, boring never, “you,” to quote peter cetera as one periodically must, “are the inspiration…”
over the years, i have learned to understand my life as a continual work of art. not because of any pre-ordained sanctity or even accredited quality but rather through the acknowledgment that if i do not willfully choose the notes to arrange in the symphony of my life, they will not pick themselves. i am the conductor of this orchestra, the painter of this canvas, the director of this film and as such, must look at all that populate my life as the crew, the cast, the sets, the special effects, the costumes, the soundtrack that i, following the mind’s screenplay, must coordinate to my satisfaction so that the studio may be happy with the weekend’s ticket sales. my life is a work of art because it comes from nothing and goes nowhere; in the gallery space that is our earth only for a limited time, buy now! buy quickly! my life is a work of art, as is yours, for there is no alternative. and so, judiciously must we pick our forms of expression so that we may be heard, misunderstood, considered, the opposite of ignored, left alone, acclaimed, victimized, rich, missed or found. so many ways to define the art of our lives, so many schools to attend… which is why the various branches of creative activity can be so confusing to people.
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