well damn... this was it, the weekend of theaptSUPERfriend cindy "why walk when you can" gallop's annual birthday extravaganza. and as much as the aforementioned superlative is usually grossly misused by the vast majority of the reporters of lackluster events, there is no other word to indeed describe this one, and you do know by now how i measure my words... a night of no-so-quiet luxurious depravity was had, graciously supported by the lovely people at hendrick's gin, under the memoried guise of this past century's last and, dare i say only, master of such ambitious design, mr. helmut newton. the mot d'ordre for the evening, and early morning, was simply to dress as one's ultimate helmut newton fantasy... inasmuch as some didn't seem to have bothered to even read the damned invitation we at the apartment so slaved over to produce, others thankfully and shockingly went all the way may. (extra points given for latter reference)

unfortunately, until the official pics arrive at my desk, i will only have a couple of blurryCam shots to share with you. below was i, borrowing from helmut's medical fetish period which was horribly uncomfortable for the first hour but which, after experiencing the level of pity affection i was getting from worried party-goers, soon became more than tolerable.



indeed, my stock answer to the question of how i had hurt myself quickly became short and sweet: skiing. gstaad. which i thought, perhaps foolishly, would get me kissed, or at least fondled, by some form of life meandering around the black apartment that night. alas, as the kidz say, no-go. but of course, the queen of the night knows how to please, herself primarily and in many ways. firstly by hiring a topless grand army of beautiful members of the male sex, branded for the occasion:



coming in one shape and size, these men worked hard all night to please their mistress by spreading their goodwill all over the crowd. (please note: no part of this sentence has been officially sanctioned as a euphemism.) sure, that might be a lot for one madame to take but our cindy is an accomplished habituée of such devotion to the god hedone and did not let one drop of the sacred elixir they were serving escape her thirsty lips. again, thank you to the good people at hendrick's gin for that.



master of her decidedly voluptuous domain, she commanded and so it was done. people of significant social and professional standing found themselves unable to resist her depraved siren's call and gave in to the cross-dressing, nothing-wearing ambience so as to chase away any unpleasant memory of mr. giuliani's tenure as censor-in-chief. and when i say nothing-wearing, it is no mere word association. mr. steve jobs' calumnious omission of a flash on his dear iPhone unfortunately prevents me from adequately showing you rather then telling what that looked like but let's just says that i never saw disco balls so shiny on the dance floor as i did saturday night. fever indeed.



finally, wearing the exquisite bordelle waspie, my dear natasha rocked her own world until the sun (in my pants) came up and michele, on this, her first whorish outing since furthering her species a couple of months ago, braved the cold and the stare of lusty men as she bunnied up for the evening.



all the while, boom boom room's own talented lust object dj coleman spun magic from those turntables of his and helped transform this willing crowd from what might have been, under other circumstances, a perfectly genteel knitting club into a frenzied orgy the likes of which might have made emperor nero say enough already!... but to my, and my friends' delight, no such cock-blocking, pardon my latin, was ever uttered under the watchful eye of ms. gallop, empress to the last.

as all my other pictures are too damned dark for exhibition, i will be sure to pass on the full album once it is made available to the public. but to sum up, i am still drunk and smiling from a night which brought much happiness to all involve, thanks to cindy whose life i pray to be eternal. thank god we'll always have the #cindy50 hashtag to remember it by... have a wonderful week!